1
00:00:02,029 --> 00:00:04,350
Excuse me, old chap. Would you run me to
the station?

2
00:00:04,710 --> 00:00:05,710
Certainly, sir.

3
00:00:13,450 --> 00:00:14,830
It's Tommy Cooper!

4
00:00:32,560 --> 00:00:33,560
Thank you.

5
00:00:34,040 --> 00:00:35,040
Thank you very much.

6
00:00:35,180 --> 00:00:36,180
Thank you.

7
00:00:36,360 --> 00:00:37,820
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
Welcome to the show.

8
00:00:38,260 --> 00:00:41,280
And I've been asked to tell you that
this is going to be a good, clean family

9
00:00:41,280 --> 00:00:42,280
show.

10
00:00:42,480 --> 00:00:44,200
So if you're having a good, clean
family, out.

11
00:00:47,440 --> 00:00:49,800
So now I'd like to get the show off to a
flying stop.

12
00:00:53,420 --> 00:00:54,920
Here's a little trick here. Watch very,
very closely.

13
00:00:55,520 --> 00:00:56,820
It's a pack of cards here like that.
Look.

14
00:00:58,340 --> 00:01:00,320
I take the cellophane off like that, you
see.

15
00:01:02,920 --> 00:01:03,920
Like that.

16
00:01:08,080 --> 00:01:09,280
I take the cart out of the pack.

17
00:01:10,440 --> 00:01:11,740
This trip starts very slowly.

18
00:01:13,980 --> 00:01:15,120
Then it gradually peters out.

19
00:01:18,580 --> 00:01:20,760
I slipped. I didn't know I was going to
do that. I slipped.

20
00:01:21,520 --> 00:01:22,520
I slipped.

21
00:01:24,120 --> 00:01:27,120
It's a brand new pack. I take one cart
from the pack like that.

22
00:01:27,380 --> 00:01:28,920
I tear it in half. I tear it in a
quarter.

23
00:01:29,620 --> 00:01:30,620
I tear it in...

24
00:01:31,020 --> 00:01:32,020
Lots of pieces.

25
00:01:33,680 --> 00:01:34,680
I'll throw it down there.

26
00:01:35,080 --> 00:01:36,080
Now, I'll tell you what I've done.

27
00:01:36,460 --> 00:01:37,680
I've just ruined a new pack of cars.

28
00:01:41,500 --> 00:01:42,500
Oh, thank you very much.

29
00:01:47,320 --> 00:01:49,920
As a matter of fact, I don't feel myself
tonight. I don't really.

30
00:01:50,580 --> 00:01:51,700
And I hope you notice the improvement.

31
00:01:54,840 --> 00:01:56,100
I've been feeling rough all day.

32
00:01:56,660 --> 00:01:58,480
I have. This morning, I was lying in
bed.

33
00:01:58,740 --> 00:01:59,740
I was lying like that.

34
00:02:01,610 --> 00:02:03,330
I could have been like that. No, I was
like that. I was like that.

35
00:02:04,930 --> 00:02:05,930
And I felt awful.

36
00:02:06,290 --> 00:02:07,169
I really did.

37
00:02:07,170 --> 00:02:08,810
I thought I passed away and nobody told
me.

38
00:02:12,530 --> 00:02:16,290
And I started to read the paper like you
do and I looked on the obituary column.

39
00:02:17,390 --> 00:02:18,390
I did.

40
00:02:18,550 --> 00:02:21,170
And I read the whole list. And when I
saw my name wasn't there, I got up.

41
00:02:26,030 --> 00:02:29,470
Did you hear that joke about the near
-sighted bank robber?

42
00:02:30,660 --> 00:02:32,220
He went into the bank and he said, stick
them up.

43
00:02:32,580 --> 00:02:33,580
Are they up?

44
00:02:38,180 --> 00:02:40,480
There's a man that had a cat, see, and
he got knocked over by a steamroller.

45
00:02:41,280 --> 00:02:42,280
And he didn't say a word.

46
00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:44,360
He just stood there with a long puss.

47
00:02:48,060 --> 00:02:49,140
Oh, thank you.

48
00:02:50,140 --> 00:02:51,140
Thank you very much.

49
00:02:55,660 --> 00:02:58,200
Now, I'll tell you what I've got in here
as a prediction. I've done this a

50
00:02:58,200 --> 00:02:59,200
couple of times before.

51
00:03:00,270 --> 00:03:03,230
There's a picture in here. Now, I want
just one person to shout out a name of a

52
00:03:03,230 --> 00:03:04,230
film star.

53
00:03:05,730 --> 00:03:07,230
Now, a film star.

54
00:03:08,950 --> 00:03:09,950
Rin Tin Tin.

55
00:03:11,790 --> 00:03:17,270
A name of a film star.

56
00:03:17,570 --> 00:03:18,570
Who?

57
00:03:18,850 --> 00:03:19,850
Gregory Peck.

58
00:03:20,150 --> 00:03:21,150
Right, here we are.

59
00:03:21,270 --> 00:03:24,450
Gregory Peck, here we are. And here's
Gregory Peck when he was three months

60
00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:34,420
The other night somebody said, Sammy
Julia Davis.

61
00:03:35,620 --> 00:03:36,620
Look at that.

62
00:03:38,440 --> 00:03:40,280
I'm having the nose fixed and my teeth
don't work.

63
00:03:41,520 --> 00:03:43,660
No, somebody shouted out, Sammy Julia
Davis.

64
00:03:43,980 --> 00:03:44,980
Or Davis Julia.

65
00:03:45,880 --> 00:03:46,880
I was ready for them.

66
00:03:49,600 --> 00:03:50,600
Thank you.

67
00:03:55,940 --> 00:03:57,800
I'm not going to drag things out
tonight. I mean that.

68
00:03:58,180 --> 00:03:59,620
I'm going to go through the act very
fast.

69
00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:00,840
Because I'm sick of it.

70
00:04:04,420 --> 00:04:05,900
Dice, box, box, dice, dice, box, box,
dice.

71
00:04:07,400 --> 00:04:08,800
Box, dice, dice, box, box, dice, dice,
box.

72
00:04:10,280 --> 00:04:12,060
To hollow out to who am I? I was.

73
00:04:15,600 --> 00:04:17,620
Look at that.

74
00:04:18,540 --> 00:04:19,540
Look at that.

75
00:04:19,779 --> 00:04:20,779
Thank you.

76
00:04:22,700 --> 00:04:23,700
Thank you very much.

77
00:04:24,360 --> 00:04:27,340
And make his way back inside here.

78
00:04:37,680 --> 00:04:39,980
the doctor to be from there and make his
way over there thank

79
00:04:39,980 --> 00:04:54,840
you

80
00:04:54,840 --> 00:05:01,780
thank you very much do you know last
summer i

81
00:05:01,780 --> 00:05:05,340
was up in scarborough for the summer
season and my wife and i and my wife

82
00:05:05,340 --> 00:05:06,980
down to the beach with a topless bathing
suit

83
00:05:09,120 --> 00:05:10,920
She did, and the lifeguard said, good
morning, sir.

84
00:05:15,900 --> 00:05:19,800
I brought her a brand new car last week,
and she rang me up. She said, there's

85
00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:22,360
water in the carburettor. I said,
where's the car? She said, in the river.

86
00:05:26,260 --> 00:05:27,840
And she went to have her face lifted.

87
00:05:28,920 --> 00:05:29,920
She did.

88
00:05:30,140 --> 00:05:31,140
And they said it couldn't be done.

89
00:05:32,420 --> 00:05:33,900
So for £10, they lowered her body.

90
00:05:40,060 --> 00:05:41,720
Here's another one you may not like.
Listen to this.

91
00:05:44,480 --> 00:05:48,620
What did the shepherd say when his old
dog died after being with him for 20

92
00:05:48,620 --> 00:05:49,620
years?

93
00:05:49,860 --> 00:05:52,740
He said, Oh, dear, oh, dear.

94
00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:54,800
I am sad.

95
00:05:56,480 --> 00:05:58,440
Well, you wouldn't expect him to say
anything funny, would you, when his dog

96
00:05:58,440 --> 00:05:59,440
died, right?

97
00:06:04,760 --> 00:06:07,660
When I was in Scarborough, when I was up
there in Scarborough, I went to a

98
00:06:07,660 --> 00:06:08,880
Chinese restaurant last night.

99
00:06:09,650 --> 00:06:12,330
And I said, there's a Chinese waiter. I
said, look, there's chicken I've got

100
00:06:12,330 --> 00:06:13,330
here. It's cold.

101
00:06:13,570 --> 00:06:14,870
He said, well, it should be. He's been
dead two weeks.

102
00:06:20,430 --> 00:06:23,470
I said, can I ask you something? He
said, yes, yes, yes.

103
00:06:24,430 --> 00:06:25,990
I said, tell me, are there any Chinese
Jews?

104
00:06:27,990 --> 00:06:29,410
He said, I don't know. I'll go and find
out.

105
00:06:30,110 --> 00:06:32,450
So he went and he came back. He said,
no, there's only apple juice, pineapple

106
00:06:32,450 --> 00:06:33,450
juice and orange juice.

107
00:06:46,030 --> 00:06:47,590
Chinese waiter behind the counter, see?

108
00:06:47,810 --> 00:06:49,130
I said, excuse me. He said, yes.

109
00:06:51,310 --> 00:06:52,810
It could have been the same one, really,
couldn't it?

110
00:06:53,650 --> 00:06:54,930
I never thought he could have gone
round.

111
00:06:55,170 --> 00:06:56,170
I never thought of that.

112
00:06:56,890 --> 00:07:00,170
Of course he... I hope he didn't,
because I'd ticked him twice there.

113
00:07:01,330 --> 00:07:02,330
I said, excuse me.

114
00:07:02,850 --> 00:07:05,130
I said, no, I... Oh, I said that, yes.

115
00:07:06,230 --> 00:07:07,230
Have you got frogs legs?

116
00:07:10,290 --> 00:07:12,370
He said, yes.

117
00:07:13,050 --> 00:07:14,870
I said, well, hop on to the counter and
get me a cheese sandwich.

118
00:07:19,820 --> 00:07:20,820
Thank you.

119
00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:27,000
Excuse me.

120
00:07:33,220 --> 00:07:34,220
Yeah?

121
00:07:38,420 --> 00:07:39,700
I want a job.

122
00:07:40,440 --> 00:07:41,640
What's your trade?

123
00:07:41,900 --> 00:07:42,900
Crime.

124
00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:44,980
I'm a crook.

125
00:07:45,240 --> 00:07:46,240
Fingers figging.

126
00:07:46,860 --> 00:07:48,420
On robbery of speciality.

127
00:07:48,940 --> 00:07:49,960
Two guns, no waiting.

128
00:07:51,820 --> 00:07:52,940
What about qualifications?

129
00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:56,380
Yes. I have here a degree from the
Chiswick University.

130
00:07:57,620 --> 00:07:59,520
There isn't a university at Chiswick.

131
00:07:59,900 --> 00:08:01,040
There is if you're a forger.

132
00:08:04,380 --> 00:08:05,580
Very good, very good.

133
00:08:06,280 --> 00:08:09,740
Well, you know, this is a very bad time
of year, I'm afraid, for crime.

134
00:08:10,160 --> 00:08:15,260
The best I can offer you is just one
burglary. It's a local job, 1045

135
00:08:15,740 --> 00:08:17,320
84 Kings Avenue.

136
00:08:18,219 --> 00:08:20,740
It's quite a small window, but it's an
opening, isn't it?

137
00:08:26,100 --> 00:08:27,920
Now, I don't like working nights, you
see. I've got a bad chest.

138
00:08:28,920 --> 00:08:30,040
And another thing. What's that?

139
00:08:30,320 --> 00:08:31,720
I live at 84 Kings Avenue.

140
00:08:34,140 --> 00:08:36,539
Well, I mean, if you're going to be
choosy, that's just what's wrong with

141
00:08:36,539 --> 00:08:39,179
fellas. You want a job, you come here,
we offer you one, and then you turn it

142
00:08:39,179 --> 00:08:41,720
down. Well, that's all there is. You
just take it or leave it. Well, there's

143
00:08:41,720 --> 00:08:42,539
nothing else.

144
00:08:42,539 --> 00:08:43,539
Hand over the dough money.

145
00:08:45,660 --> 00:08:46,680
It's nice to be working again.

146
00:08:55,950 --> 00:08:58,830
Tommy Cooper as King Arthur.

147
00:09:15,270 --> 00:09:18,170
The last Excalibur.

148
00:09:32,910 --> 00:09:34,630
Let go. Go on, let go.

149
00:09:34,950 --> 00:09:36,190
Let go, you fool. Let go.

150
00:09:36,570 --> 00:09:37,730
Let go, go on, let go.

151
00:09:39,490 --> 00:09:44,530
Now it's interview time, and in our
studio this evening we have that great

152
00:09:44,530 --> 00:09:49,450
general, that intrepid soldier and
statesman, the Duke of Wellington.

153
00:10:15,810 --> 00:10:17,610
Wellington's. It's a funny joke of my
time.

154
00:10:18,870 --> 00:10:24,090
Of course, sir, your most stunning
success was the Battle of Waterloo.

155
00:10:24,390 --> 00:10:28,210
No doubt your memories of that opening
charge are very vivid, Your Grace.

156
00:10:28,630 --> 00:10:30,870
Can you remember who was the first to
fall?

157
00:10:31,230 --> 00:10:33,310
Yes, me. I took over as first.

158
00:10:35,090 --> 00:10:39,090
But it wasn't long after that, was it,
that you caught Napoleon's platoons in a

159
00:10:39,090 --> 00:10:40,090
pincer movement?

160
00:10:40,370 --> 00:10:41,370
Correct.

161
00:10:41,670 --> 00:10:43,050
And he was never the same after that.

162
00:10:45,170 --> 00:10:47,210
I understand you first made your name in
India.

163
00:10:47,550 --> 00:10:48,550
Yes, that's true.

164
00:10:48,690 --> 00:10:51,930
And there's something else that will
surprise you. Oh, really? What's that?

165
00:10:52,170 --> 00:10:53,170
Boo!

166
00:10:58,810 --> 00:10:59,810
Yes,

167
00:11:05,830 --> 00:11:06,709
indeed.

168
00:11:06,710 --> 00:11:10,150
It was in 1808, wasn't it, that you were
sent to Portugal, where you won the

169
00:11:10,150 --> 00:11:11,150
Battle of...

170
00:11:11,460 --> 00:11:12,460
Yes, yes.

171
00:11:12,880 --> 00:11:18,480
As a matter of fact, I was right in
there where the battle was thickest. I

172
00:11:18,520 --> 00:11:20,300
And what were you doing? Looking for
where it was thinnest.

173
00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:25,480
Is it true that after the Battle of
Vignero, you personally ran up the Union

174
00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:27,820
Jack? No, no, no. I was too tired. I
walked up.

175
00:11:30,720 --> 00:11:36,980
Is it true that in 1809, you were
wounded at the Battle of Talavera?

176
00:11:37,240 --> 00:11:38,240
Yes.

177
00:11:39,680 --> 00:11:42,940
I was very brave in that battle. I see.
Because the French threw everything at

178
00:11:42,940 --> 00:11:44,880
us. I see. And I just stuck up my
tongue.

179
00:11:45,880 --> 00:11:47,120
And where were you wounded?

180
00:11:47,360 --> 00:11:48,360
In the tongue.

181
00:11:49,980 --> 00:11:53,860
To return to your most formidable
opponent, what do you consider to be

182
00:11:53,860 --> 00:11:55,100
Napoleon's greatest asset?

183
00:11:55,920 --> 00:11:56,920
Josephine.

184
00:11:57,620 --> 00:11:59,200
Well, let me rephrase that question.

185
00:11:59,880 --> 00:12:03,000
As a soldier, what do you think made
Napoleon the man he was?

186
00:12:03,480 --> 00:12:04,480
Josephine.

187
00:12:05,320 --> 00:12:08,100
Of course, the history books tell us
that after the Battle of Waterloo, the

188
00:12:08,100 --> 00:12:11,160
threw no less than three banquets in
your honour.

189
00:12:11,680 --> 00:12:16,100
Quite correct. One in my honour, one in
my face, and I ducked a third one.

190
00:12:19,640 --> 00:12:22,660
Well, now, to sum up, Your Grace...
Pardon?

191
00:12:23,560 --> 00:12:24,560
Your Grace.

192
00:12:24,700 --> 00:12:26,020
For what we're about to receive.

193
00:12:27,120 --> 00:12:28,120
Oh, no, no.

194
00:12:28,440 --> 00:12:31,760
Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I
was getting a little bit peckish.

195
00:12:31,980 --> 00:12:32,879
I see.

196
00:12:32,880 --> 00:12:37,300
To sum up, I believe you have brought
with you a souvenir of your most famous

197
00:12:37,300 --> 00:12:41,680
victory, in fact, of the Battle of
Waterloo. Yes, I did. Something, in

198
00:12:41,680 --> 00:12:43,880
actually used at Waterloo. Yes, I've got
it right here.

199
00:12:44,160 --> 00:12:45,039
This is it.

200
00:12:45,040 --> 00:12:49,680
The train in number six platform is the
645 that says Andrew.

201
00:13:13,380 --> 00:13:16,480
Tommy Cooper as Sherlock Holmes.

202
00:13:23,580 --> 00:13:24,580
Hello.

203
00:13:25,080 --> 00:13:30,120
This is Dr. Watson, faithful friend and
companion to Sherlock Holmes, master

204
00:13:30,120 --> 00:13:32,000
detective and criminologist
extraordinary.

205
00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:34,160
What's that?

206
00:13:34,320 --> 00:13:37,600
You've been arrested for beating up six
policemen and throwing a keg of beer

207
00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:38,600
through the pub window.

208
00:13:39,180 --> 00:13:41,100
Don't worry, we'll take the case.

209
00:13:41,920 --> 00:13:42,920
Goodbye, Mother.

210
00:13:47,859 --> 00:13:52,500
Ah, you must be Dr. Watson, faithful
friend and companion to Sherlock Holmes.

211
00:13:52,500 --> 00:13:54,400
No, we've done that bit.

212
00:13:54,700 --> 00:13:56,720
I'm afraid Sherlock isn't Holmes at the
moment.

213
00:13:57,240 --> 00:14:00,060
He's out buying some new disguises.
Would you care to be seated?

214
00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:03,020
No, no, no, I'd rather stand behind that
screen.

215
00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:04,520
What?

216
00:14:16,840 --> 00:14:19,980
surprise you, Watson. Good heavens,
Holmes, what an amazing disguise.

217
00:14:20,320 --> 00:14:21,580
You fooled me completely.

218
00:14:21,820 --> 00:14:25,160
I know, I know. You know the old
newspaper man on the corner? Yes. I

219
00:14:25,160 --> 00:14:26,160
completely, too. What do you mean?

220
00:14:26,340 --> 00:14:27,340
We're engaged.

221
00:14:29,740 --> 00:14:33,820
Anything happen since I've been away?
Yes. A man came through that door,

222
00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:37,640
staggered over to the fireplace, and
fell like a stone to the carpet.

223
00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:39,260
Who was it? Me. I was drunk.

224
00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:42,980
Watson. Yes, Holmes? Sherlock does the
funniest.

225
00:14:56,650 --> 00:14:58,750
A bit of deduction, Watson. There's
someone at the door.

226
00:14:59,830 --> 00:15:00,830
Amazing, Holmes.

227
00:15:02,750 --> 00:15:04,490
Mr. Holmes, I need your assistance.

228
00:15:04,890 --> 00:15:05,890
Too late. I've spent it.

229
00:15:07,530 --> 00:15:10,150
What can we do for you, my dear? I need
protection.

230
00:15:10,730 --> 00:15:14,090
You've come to the right place. I need
someone to talk to. You've come to the

231
00:15:14,090 --> 00:15:15,530
right place. It could be very dangerous.

232
00:15:15,890 --> 00:15:16,890
Try next door.

233
00:15:17,790 --> 00:15:19,450
You seem very upset, my dear.

234
00:15:19,730 --> 00:15:23,330
Why don't you sit down and have a cup of
tea? Oh, thank you.

235
00:15:23,920 --> 00:15:28,380
I like a nice cup of tea. In the
morning, I like a nice cup of tea with

236
00:15:28,980 --> 00:15:32,380
And a quarter past eleven, well, my idea
of heaven is... All right, all right,

237
00:15:32,520 --> 00:15:33,520
all right.

238
00:15:33,940 --> 00:15:34,940
Very good, isn't it?

239
00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:36,760
I hate him.

240
00:15:37,860 --> 00:15:39,120
Shall I be mother? Yes.

241
00:15:48,980 --> 00:15:50,360
It's a bit messy, but I'm on my own.

242
00:15:51,950 --> 00:15:53,430
What can we do for you, my dear?

243
00:15:53,630 --> 00:15:58,130
It's about my father's will. He had a
stipulation inserted in his bequest.

244
00:16:00,310 --> 00:16:01,510
Oh, dear, dear.

245
00:16:02,270 --> 00:16:03,270
Poor devil.

246
00:16:04,230 --> 00:16:09,110
And then, only last week, my father was
knocked down by a cab.

247
00:16:09,610 --> 00:16:11,050
Handsome? Yes, Blue Eyes?

248
00:16:11,250 --> 00:16:12,250
Quiet.

249
00:16:12,910 --> 00:16:13,970
Go on, my dear.

250
00:16:14,210 --> 00:16:16,730
We found him there, lying in the street.

251
00:16:17,210 --> 00:16:18,870
Unconscious? Yes, Drewby Draws.

252
00:16:22,390 --> 00:16:28,910
If I die before I'm 21, my Uncle Hugo
gets all my father's money. This

253
00:16:29,030 --> 00:16:33,630
someone put broken glass in my
cornflakes. Broken glass in your

254
00:16:33,630 --> 00:16:34,429
us more.

255
00:16:34,430 --> 00:16:35,570
She can't. It's a cereal.

256
00:16:42,570 --> 00:16:47,730
Who could be doing this? Can you help
me? Don't worry, my dear. We'll help

257
00:16:47,830 --> 00:16:48,830
You will?

258
00:16:50,990 --> 00:16:51,990
ever thank you.

259
00:16:54,250 --> 00:16:55,690
What a way to be struck off the
register.

260
00:16:57,970 --> 00:16:58,970
A dicky bird.

261
00:16:59,010 --> 00:17:00,010
I beg your pardon?

262
00:17:00,030 --> 00:17:01,590
A dicky bird. Why did you say that?

263
00:17:01,810 --> 00:17:02,970
Because I haven't said a dicky bird for
ages.

264
00:17:05,369 --> 00:17:07,170
Don't worry, I'll tell you what we'll
do. We'll follow you in disguise.

265
00:17:07,690 --> 00:17:09,130
Have you seen our disguises? I know.

266
00:17:09,609 --> 00:17:10,609
What? Yes.

267
00:17:23,240 --> 00:17:24,240
I don't understand.

268
00:17:24,300 --> 00:17:25,440
Well, he was me and I was him.

269
00:17:26,520 --> 00:17:27,520
Brilliant.

270
00:17:27,780 --> 00:17:31,800
I think my Uncle Hugo may have followed
me here. He, too, is a master of

271
00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:32,800
disguise.

272
00:17:34,660 --> 00:17:36,100
Holmes, a piece of deduction.

273
00:17:36,460 --> 00:17:37,500
They're coming at the door.

274
00:17:37,740 --> 00:17:38,880
I should have said that, didn't I?

275
00:17:41,920 --> 00:17:44,520
Thank you very much. Would you mind
sitting in the audience?

276
00:17:48,040 --> 00:17:50,700
Holmes! There's a killer at the door. Do
something.

277
00:17:51,160 --> 00:17:52,160
I am what?

278
00:17:52,620 --> 00:17:53,620
Shake it like a league.

279
00:17:54,300 --> 00:17:56,180
Mr. Holmes, we must do something.

280
00:17:56,440 --> 00:17:59,600
Holmes, somebody must go out there and
face that killer. You're quite right.

281
00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:01,000
Don't be long.

282
00:18:03,020 --> 00:18:05,860
Holmes, how can you be such an
unspeakable coward?

283
00:18:06,200 --> 00:18:07,200
Practice.

284
00:18:22,730 --> 00:18:23,730
glass. Oh, here it is.

285
00:18:25,070 --> 00:18:26,150
My, that's amazing.

286
00:18:26,430 --> 00:18:28,550
What? Well, it makes everything larger,
though, when you do that.

287
00:18:30,170 --> 00:18:31,170
What does it say?

288
00:18:31,450 --> 00:18:34,250
It says... Yeah.

289
00:18:36,450 --> 00:18:37,450
I'll decode it.

290
00:18:38,470 --> 00:18:42,970
So, Mr. Sherlock Holmes, so -called
master detective, let us see if you can

291
00:18:42,970 --> 00:18:43,970
solve this one.

292
00:18:44,850 --> 00:18:47,150
P .S. Please return the knife. It's part
of a set.

293
00:18:48,570 --> 00:18:52,490
Who did this to you, my dear? Who was
it? Tell us. Who was it? Who stabbed

294
00:18:52,720 --> 00:18:53,619
Answer me.

295
00:18:53,620 --> 00:18:54,800
Will you answer me?

296
00:18:55,220 --> 00:18:57,620
How can she? She's dead. That's no
excuse for rudeness.

297
00:18:58,740 --> 00:19:00,060
He's quite right. He's quite right.

298
00:19:00,580 --> 00:19:02,640
Why doesn't this cause for a little bit
of concentration?

299
00:19:02,920 --> 00:19:03,920
Ah, the very thing, Holmes.

300
00:19:04,300 --> 00:19:05,480
You're Stradivarius.

301
00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:07,000
That's right. He looks like a violin.

302
00:19:45,090 --> 00:19:47,110
What do you expect for 15 nicker, Jack
Benny?

303
00:19:49,630 --> 00:19:50,569
Good night, Holmes.

304
00:19:50,570 --> 00:19:51,570
And you too, Johnson.

305
00:19:58,810 --> 00:20:00,590
Very funny.

306
00:20:03,570 --> 00:20:06,230
The killer's trying to break into the
room.

307
00:20:06,470 --> 00:20:08,770
Right, we'll have to barricade the door.
He's out of the desk.

308
00:20:10,970 --> 00:20:13,130
It's no good, Holmes. It's too heavy.
Right, we'll take out the drawers.

309
00:20:19,550 --> 00:20:21,690
I don't know why we're bothering.
There's nobody else in the sketch.

310
00:20:23,610 --> 00:20:26,410
See if the bedroom window is properly
barred. Right you are, Watson.

311
00:20:26,670 --> 00:20:28,130
Good old Watson, dear friend.

312
00:20:28,350 --> 00:20:29,329
Fightful friend.

313
00:20:29,330 --> 00:20:30,330
Never again.

314
00:20:30,970 --> 00:20:32,010
And now to work.

315
00:20:39,890 --> 00:20:41,690
Well, I got that case wrapped up.

316
00:20:44,780 --> 00:20:46,780
Mr Sherlock Holmes, we meet at last.

317
00:20:47,120 --> 00:20:51,220
You go chatter it at your service and
don't try and call for Dr Watson.

318
00:20:51,460 --> 00:20:53,160
Why? I'm playing both parts.

319
00:20:54,660 --> 00:20:55,740
You're getting too many laughs.

320
00:20:56,160 --> 00:21:00,220
You swine. I say that to your face.

321
00:21:00,480 --> 00:21:01,480
You're guilty of murder.

322
00:21:01,640 --> 00:21:03,240
Murder is an ugly word.

323
00:21:03,740 --> 00:21:04,740
It's an ugly face.

324
00:21:05,980 --> 00:21:06,980
Look behind you.

325
00:21:09,480 --> 00:21:11,280
He's doing the laugh now. He's doing the
laugh.

326
00:21:11,880 --> 00:21:12,880
Put the face on.

327
00:21:14,670 --> 00:21:18,710
What? Look behind you. Oh, you can't
fool me with that, Holmes. That's a very

328
00:21:18,710 --> 00:21:19,569
old trick.

329
00:21:19,570 --> 00:21:20,389
Is it really?

330
00:21:20,390 --> 00:21:21,970
If that's an old trick, what do you
think of this one?

331
00:21:22,450 --> 00:21:23,450
Look at this here.

332
00:21:25,950 --> 00:21:26,970
Box. Empty box.

333
00:21:27,170 --> 00:21:28,170
Yes.

334
00:21:28,490 --> 00:21:29,630
I'll place and sell the box like that.

335
00:21:29,890 --> 00:21:30,890
I'll close the box.

336
00:21:36,770 --> 00:21:37,770
That's very good.

337
00:21:37,870 --> 00:21:38,870
Is it? Yes.

338
00:21:39,590 --> 00:21:40,590
Yes? Yes.

339
00:21:40,690 --> 00:21:42,450
Right. Whose turn is it? Yours.

340
00:21:45,160 --> 00:21:46,280
Show me another trick.

341
00:21:46,500 --> 00:21:47,560
Show you another trick? Yes.

342
00:21:48,200 --> 00:21:49,560
Oh, I'll show you another trick. All
right.

343
00:21:50,140 --> 00:21:51,200
I'm going to borrow it. Yes.

344
00:21:53,260 --> 00:21:54,580
It's coming, it's coming, it's coming.

345
00:21:55,440 --> 00:21:59,380
Can I borrow a gun? Ah, there we are.
Oh, thank you. Oh, you swine.

346
00:22:00,080 --> 00:22:01,140
You've triumphed again.

347
00:22:02,080 --> 00:22:03,560
You dirty sticking rat.

348
00:22:07,340 --> 00:22:08,700
You sticking rat.

349
00:22:11,280 --> 00:22:12,280
Did I...

350
00:22:16,810 --> 00:22:17,810
I got it all worked out.

351
00:22:18,410 --> 00:22:19,410
Yes, I have.

352
00:22:19,710 --> 00:22:20,770
And I'm never wrong.

353
00:22:21,310 --> 00:22:23,930
You murdered a brother, you killed the
lady, the girl for money.

354
00:22:24,530 --> 00:22:25,590
And I'm never wrong.

355
00:22:25,930 --> 00:22:27,170
But I'm not even dead.

356
00:22:28,710 --> 00:22:30,530
I told you I'm never wrong.

357
00:22:31,210 --> 00:22:33,990
You're not even human, sir, but you
won't take me alive.

358
00:22:59,289 --> 00:23:03,970
the body's walking out that is the case
of the disappearance

359
00:23:19,340 --> 00:23:21,520
So don't forget, ladies and gentlemen,
to look in next week.

360
00:23:22,240 --> 00:23:23,240
Get off!

361
00:23:25,760 --> 00:23:30,140
Look again next week now to the spine
-chilling story in which I come face -to

362
00:23:30,140 --> 00:23:32,740
-face with the Who's terrifying hound of
the basketball.

363
00:23:33,360 --> 00:23:37,040
So here he is now, the Who's terrifying
hound of the basketball.